| Ugh! |
There will always be someone around your life, mayby not just someone but maybe armies of people constantly always trying to kick you down in life. Making you feel like a little nobody, worthless and making you shrink and hide like a little baby in a corner crying away in the dark. feeling so beaten down each time they attack. there will always be someone like that. No matter how far you go on life, what you do, how you live, or basically being who you are, you can't be love by everyone though at times you wish that is a utopian world! wtf. I don't know what I'm even going to write here right now, but all I know is I'm feeling tired and fed up as usual and at times, instead of always being attacked, attention ladies and gentlemen, I just declared WAR.
When I say a war has been declared, it doesn’t necessarily contain physical abuse nor any catfights and hair pulling treatments. It could represent, that is time for me to just stand up, close my ears and only open to them to those who really hears me and see’s me for who I am and not what they want me to be because guess what? You can never please them no matter how hard you try. By declaring war, you tell yourself that nobody is going to be able to make you feel unworthy and less of yourself and being able to put you down without your consent. Declaring war is not giving up on ourselves and not breaking down because hey, sooner than it seems life DOES turn around and I know God is there watching over me. Oh, you can be more mean and realistic and it says "It's called karma baby and it goes around"
But at times, I stand alone in war. I have comrades and generals and others around me, but certain war you have to fight on your own but with the strength and knowing that you have the support and love from the people around you. I tried you know? Many times. Many, many times declaring war. But somehow, at times I just want to fall to my knees and show a white flag and just cry. But I can’t, because whenever I do so, someone takes my flag, throws it to the ground and stamps on it. The flag’s gone. At times, is my fault for hurting the comrades and generals and worst, my leaders?
At times I am to be blamed because I love them too much and at the same time I hurt them in the process, there was an incident just few days ago all that could be seen was screams and shouts and so much tears that I could no longer bare to be the cause of it, or maybe I’m afraid that I COULD be the cause of it and I just wanted to simply feel a sharpness go through my wrist and my veins. But someone took that object away and kicked my ass down and I had to declare once again the white flag to be appeared. God called me and saved me that night through a close friend of mine. Who knows where I would have ended up that night when my vision was blurred with nothing but tears and all I could hear was the screeching noise of the brakes and tires. But this is a whole different story. Nothing related to what I am about the write below.
Why can’t you people let it go? Let ME go for goodness sakes. At times, I get ahead of myself, thinking “just what exactly have I done to you people?” have I killed your loved ones or you in your past life? Have I done anything to hurt you in the present? Even worst, token of kindness and love and caring gets turned into an act of sin interpreted by them and only them and hey, news travels. “Extra, extra, READ ALL ABOUT IT” people buying the paper believing every single word they read and guess what? There goes wannabe’s story writer trying to compile their very own version of a certain book of a story. The story to be. That could be anyways. And sometimes, it becomes a best seller! I’m tired you know? Tired of holding myself up and going through war, just when I think the war is ending and peace may come, a new one starts brewing right in front of my face and is a sick cycle. It goes around the world. In a perfect circle that never ends it seems.
Holding tight onto the carousel. I’m on that never seems to stop circling around. Getting blamed, accused, and somehow being the wrong idea of a person, a human being to the world, especially to the people I know and around me. When does the carousel stop playing?
Can someone find me the switch and help me turn the lever to the “off” situation and then maybe, JUST maybe someone kind would help me call a white van that has a plus symbol and moon crescent on it when finally all I can see in front of me is darkness and all they can see is redness.. |
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| 3 Comments: |
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although i do not know what exactly happened, but be strong lucille... Its just something you have to go through in life... you should talk to this with your friends... but just do not end your life just like that... that will mean you're gonna lose forever... pray to Him... He'll make you better I promise... That's what I do when things like this happened... Talk to Him :)
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Yeah...I'm stronger than ever now...Thx a lot!
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Peace no War :P
take deep breath...look for a pillow and take good sleep will help hehe
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posted by MizzLucy at 
although i do not know what exactly happened, but be strong lucille... Its just something you have to go through in life... you should talk to this with your friends... but just do not end your life just like that... that will mean you're gonna lose forever... pray to Him... He'll make you better I promise... That's what I do when things like this happened... Talk to Him :)